I have always been a forgiving person and if I couldn’t forgive, I tried hard to understand. To try and work out what makes a person behave in a certain way, especially if they were nasty or unkind.
There are some people we just don’t get along with, some we really don’t like for whatever reason. But as I have said before, that is our opinion and ours alone. What we should never do is try and control how another person interacts with anyone.
As we age, we hopefully have made friends along the way. I have friends that I met at school at the age of 5. How good is that! But many have died in the past few years, family members and close friends. This is when we need family.
As I was growing up, as some will know having read my life story, I didn’t have close family, no Mum to go to and if the woman they called my Mother was not talking to me, none of the family were allowed to either. Dad sometimes would, if she wasn’t around but not if she was. She would have made his life hell if he had.No one, I don’t care who they are, should have this control over who people choose to have in their lives. No one.
The one person I did have was my Nan Williams, my ,Mother’s mother. We had a close relationship albeit sometimes secret from my mother. I learned a great deal from her about compassion, kindness and love. She had a wonderful sense of fun and , when I was left with her as a ‘punishment’, Nan and I had a lot of fun.
She told me so much about how life was for her as she grew up, the things they did, the music she loved etc.She talked a lot about how life had changed, not always for the better in the community and in families. She knew how hard life was for me at home and used to talk about my oneday having family of my own to love freely. She also taught me a lot of skills and pastimes.She said, ‘one day you will sit like this, with your grandchildren and tell them about the things you got up to, the things you achieved.’ I often think of my Nan and how she helped me through my early life.How sad and angry she would be to know that even though my Mother is not around, my own daughter can hurt me in the same way.
Doing some writing lately, she has been on my mind a lot. Having her in my life made it bearable. We laughed a lot, shared a lot and loved a lot. How lucky was I.
This got me thinking about my grandchildren. Harrison who is in his thirties and Jordan who is in his 20’s and Hannah Willow who is almost 12.
For those of you who were reading my blog back in the time between 2015 and 2020, will know how much pain my eldest daughter Lisa , gave me. How much damage she tried hard to inflict on me and my writing career. She did not affect my career but did me more damage than I can tell you on here. But the biggest harm she has done, is not just to me but to my grandchildren.
Every time over the years, she has pushed me out of her life when I have either found out lies she has spread or she has done something illegal that I didn’t agree with, my grandchildren would be stopped from contacting me. That pain is immense.Even though nothing that happened had anything to do with the boys, she would stop them from being in contact with me and that makes me sad, more for them than for me. I am sure they talk to friends who have grandparents, do things with their grandparents, making memories for later in life when people are no longer here but memories can comfort. I know they can.
There are things in the past, people in their pasts that only I could talk to them about. I am being denied that but more importantly, they are being denied knowledge that may be important to them as they grow older.
Thankfully I have spoken in depth to my eldest Harrison, when I knew his mother would keep him away from me. Told him about his Dad who sadly is no longer here. Told him everything I felt he should know that I knew his Mother would not tell him.Things that I felt a child should know, his history, his Dad’s history, everything I felt was helpful to him. I also told him a bit about his Grandfather, my first husband, his Mother’s dad, things again, he needed to know and didn’t. He was surprised about his granddad’s love of sport, running and football, something he is also interested in.He was grateful and it was a very emotional day but one that I am forever thankful for.
I love my grandchildren, Harrison was my first and so is a bit special to me. Jordan is very much his Mother’s son and will always only listen to her. I suppose some would say that is right, but it is only right if he is told the truth and many times I know he isn’t.
I have had very poor health brought on by stress and worry after a serious viral infection and now have diagnosis of FND. To have my family around me would be comforting and I know if given the choice, they would love to be part of my life, our life, mine and their Grandad’s.
So please, if you are reading this, never influence anybody, against someone whom you have shut out of your life. They might be the one person that you or someone you have influenced, might one day need. It is unforgivable to keep children away from relatives who love them and make it impossible for adults to have contact with family who love them and could be important in their lives.
Please, think on.
carolannwright 