Memories and Fairytales

 

 

35 years ago today, the whole world was witnessing a beautiful young woman, marry her prince. She looked every bit the part in her wonderful designer wedding dress and the stately carriage to and from her wedding. Lady Diana Spencer married Prince Charles, Prince of Wales and we all shared their happiness for that moment and for their future together. There was a lot of pomp and circumstance, something we do well here in the UK. Some of us thought we were watching our future King and Queen marry. A fairytale come true. As the whole world watched in wonder and joy.

Along with the rest of Britain, I watched the whole amazing spectacle on the television, with my daughter Lisa and her best friend Jayne. We sat, glued to the television, sweets and popcorn at the ready enjoying something that would never be seen again.

I can still remember the ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’, especially from my daughter and the looks on the girls faces as Diana came down onto the steps, in that amazing gown. Everything about that day was beautiful. The build-up, the ceremony and the procession after, a wonderful royal wedding that, as I said, only us Brits can do that well. I remember Jayne’s mum had been at work but joined us at one point during the day and enjoyed what she saw along with us.

As a mum of daughters, both of us spoke of the day when our girls would marry. When we would experience our own Fairy tales. The huge hats we intended to wear and the men yet to meet, the ‘princes’ our girls would fall in love with. They were around 13 at that time, Lisa and Jayne and my other daughter Marie was 8 years old, so along way ahead. But we could dream couldn’t we.

Life had been quite hard for a year or so for me and I was so happy the girls were settled and had close friends. We were very close and I had always thought that nothing could spoil that. Days like these were special and some of the best in our little family.

Today as I watched TV ‘memories’ and read news-paper articles; and seen things on Social media about how heartbreaking it is that this fairytale did not have a happy ending, I thought back to what had happened in my own life and that of my children.

Life is never at any-time, what we envisaged it would be. At the time of Diana’s wedding, I was working 3 jobs to keep a roof over the heads of my daughters and myself. It was tough: I also had an illness that I had been coping with for few years. Some of you know about this. The relationship I had with my daughters was close and we were happy. We all had close and good friends, mine in the guise of Jayne’s mum Mary. I lived in a Georgian terraced house in the city and had a little dog and three cats, guinea pigs etc. all of whom were ‘family. I had contact with my eldest sisters, Georgina and June and my brother Tony. Although the relationship with my ‘mother’ was never good and always strained, I still saw her so that I could stay in touch with my beloved Dad William. The friends I had were true friends, we all helped with childcare or babysitting, I helped at the local school where my children were educated and at the local Brownie group. Life was good most of the time.

So looking back the news broadcasts are true. Diana and her prince did not live happily ever after but I sincerely hope she found, love in the years after her marriage to Charles ended. Diana as we know is no longer living and her prince has a new life with a new or old love. She told the world in an interview that today would have gone viral, that the ‘family’ made her life difficult. That she wasn’t accepted because she was different, because she wanted to make a difference. She also knew she would never be queen. How sad she was, how much pain she had suffered at the hands of ‘family’.

I didn’t have the fairy tale wedding for my eldest daughter that Mary and I spoke of as being our ‘one day’. For her own reasons my Lisa decided to marry, then tell me. We have had a volatile relationship over the years, since she ‘grew up’. Jayne made a beautiful bride and is still married to her ‘prince’. I did however, have a wonderful wedding with my youngest daughter, Marie not long ago.

So 35 years on and life is so different. Sometimes I wander back to those days, in my mind, the days of Carol and her girls and can now smile at the memories. Life has not worked out as I thought but no one can change what happened. No one can steal away our memories can they? The good times with my little family, were good. Yes there were times a few years after this wonderful day, when life was harder but we pulled together and go through and then I met my husband David and I have written all about this in an earlier blog. My happiness is blighted by people intent on causing me harm and pain but I am the bigger person and will rise above that. I feel proud to say, like Diana, I am not accepted because I am different, because in my case I am honest. Yes, I am proud of that although it cost me dear.

My Dad and my ‘mother’ are both long dead, so is my eldest sister Georgina. June and Tony are still alive but for reasons again written in earlier blogs, I have no contact but aim to put that right very soon. Yes life goes on and sometimes not as you planned but you can plan what is still to come. The past few months, I have reason to reflect, to endeavor to put right what I can and let go of what I can’t. Life is so short in the scheme of things, we shouldn’t put things off but do them when we feel we need to. That is something I intend to do.

I have a hugely different life now. I live on a smallholding with ponies, cats and dogs, hundreds of ducks and in the spring, Geese. No longer city traffic, noise or pollution, just beautiful peaceful countryside and the most amazing views.

Tonight I will raise a glass to Diana and the memories of that wonderful magical day, to the happiness she brought people, for the good she did for all kinds of diverse good causes and for her being different. I thank her for the memories I will treasure, of days like her wedding that I watched with my daughters. A memory that brought my own dreams. That they didn’t come true, is unimportant now, because back then I needed the hopes and dreams. Today I don’t need them, I have my memories to call upon when-ever I want.

So fairytales don’t often come true but if I look at my childhood which was horrid, look to my middle years some of which are hard to think about, and the last 3 years which have brought me pain, sadness and tears at the hands of family, my life here is indeed a fairytale. Long may it last.

 

Thank you for reading. x