This past week has been hard and emotional. Lots of memories been stirred. Lots of heartache revisited. Sunday was my eldest sister’s birthday. I would normally have rung Georgina, sent flowers and chocolates. I can hear her now, ‘Oh, they are nice but you shouldn’t have done that’. Never one to make a fuss, about anything really. She was a very straight person, said it as it was, appreciated the truth and knew that she would always have that from me.We chatted often and she would never take sides and I never expected her to. She never complained about her illness or anything . She bore it all in a very stoical manner. But no longer. Two years ago, she lost her fight against cancer. She had the disease 20 years ago and we all thought it had gone for good. But sadly it came back, in her liver and she didn’t stand a chance.
I made her a promise just before she died, that I would try to get our dysfunctional family back together. Although I never make promises I can’t keep; I knew that could never happen, but I gave it a try. It was only our youngest sister who blotted this copybook, made this impossible . Her nastiness was never understood by Georgina or any other person in the family. But blot it she did and continues to do so.
My second sister, my brother Tony and I had always kept in touch. June my sister and I had a blip but that was put right. Tony and I had always been close but that no longer is the case. ‘family ‘ have stopped his contact with me. Ordinarily I would have fought this but being so unwell, because of a chronic illness and the nasty family stuff, I don’t have the strength or energy.
So this past week has been worse than usual. None of us know what the future holds. Worry about my husband’s health has made me think about my own mortality. My own aging process and the people I miss in my life.
I have lost many in the last 3 years, too many to mention. Also lots of pets, ponies and peace of mind.
I have to remind myself of how far I have come. Take myself back to my early days of struggles and pain to re assure myself that I can cope. Something we all need to do regularly to help us in the hard times.
I have to put aside the nastiness of ‘family’ and tell myself that whatever they throw at me, I will survive. I have a 100% record of doing so this far. I am also a bigger and better person than people who hurt others .
So to all of you struggling, missing loved ones, finding life hard, you never know what tomorrow may bring. You never know, it might actually be better than your today.
So tell those you love, how you feel. Hug those close to you and live your life your way. Honestly and with self-pride. I intend to.
Thank you for reading. xx
carolannwright 
Reblogged this on carolannwright.
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Never let anyone put you down. At the end of the day, even your family, are people and, even if you want them to be, they aren’t always nice. Life is full of ‘ups and downs’, but you have to hope there are more ‘ups’ then ‘downs’. I’ve managed to get the nasty people out of my life. I know so many lovely people, I’ll stick to them. I’m a great believer in ‘karma’ and I also believe everyone has a soul and go somewhere after they die. I think the good people you meet in this life, you will meet in the next. I’ve no interest whatsoever having evil people or bullies anywhere near me if I can help it. You sound really lovely. You’ve had to be very strong, but there are people who really care about you. You know the truth and that is what really matters.
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Thank you so much for your comments Clare. Means a lot that people understand and care. We do take so much more from family than we would ever take from others. Like you I dislike bullies and have so many of them in my life currently. But I am hoping that this will change very soon and I will be left in peace. Yes I know the truth. My ‘family’ have always made fun of my honesty and over time it has cost me dear. But its me and I can’t become a liar, dishonest to please others. Thank you again for taking the trouble in commenting xx
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