For personal reasons today’s blog is one of reminiscence, anniversaries and thoughts from the past.
Many years ago, as a young mum, I found myself, once again, by self- decision, on my own. It was the right place to be and I promised myself that romance was dead forever. I had made so many mistakes, had broken marriages and illness and a relationship that could not be. So on my own was okay.
I had 2 daughters, one around 11 and the other 15 coming on 16. I held down 3 jobs to pay the mortgage and did my very best for my family. It was a struggle and not an easy time, I made sure my girls did not go without and was quite content with my life.
Then I met up with an old girl friend who took me dancing, introduced me to nightclubs and pretty dresses, these she lent me, as I had nothing suitable for such outings. It was a whirlwind of Friday night parties and dancing. Something I loved. My youngest daughter would either stay with her best friend or my eldest daughter and her friend, would look out for her. Sometimes they both stayed at school-friends’ houses on Friday nights. So that became my time and I loved it. Footloose and fancy free, well kind of.
The one thing that was not on my mind was a relationship. I had made many mistakes in that department and had been hurt and hurt others in the process. My girls were my life. Carol and her girls, we were known as locally. I had no one family wise, but had a very close friend who encouraged me to have fun and would help out with my daughters whenever she could. I also had friends around, mums of the children my girls went around with. Always had a house full of children it seemed.I was still in touch with Tony my brother and my sisters June and Georgina. I was also, at this time in touch with my ‘mother’ and my Dad. Never close to her, but still in touch, mainly so that I could see Dad. Sadly, he only met David once because in the September of ‘85, sadly he died.
Back to July; on a whim and in a sale, I bought a lovely tightfitting fishtail dress, Red satin and it felt very glamorous. Funny what a pretty dress and new hairdo could do for a girl. It was a fun happy time, interspersed with worries about money, the mortgage etc. but no regrets about being on my own.
One Friday night 31 years ago, I went to the club, in my red dress and danced most of the night away. The girls were staying with my best friend and so I knew I didn’t have to worry about them. We never went out until around 9 or 10 at night which suited me, as it meant that I didn’t have to leave my little dog too long on his own. Someone I had got to know through one of my jobs, did taxi driving in the evenings and always picked me up from the clubs to make sure I was safe. I would arrive home, go inside and lock the doors and as soon as he saw the upstairs light go on, he would drive away. Great arrangement.
But let’s go back to 19th July 1985, a memory etched in my mind for always. The day life changed for me. The night I met my husband David. It had been a lovely evening and dancing with my girlfriend, I saw a smart man in a suit looking at her, or so I thought. Julie, my friend was a very pretty woman and had men after her all the time. So, I presumed that this man with the wonderful dark eyes was looking at her. I told her this and she made us change sides on the dance floor, so that she was facing his way, and so that she could see who he was and see what he would do. He moved so that he was facing me. I couldn’t believe it and became like a 16 year old. As I said, I was wearing my red dress that evening, something that has become a symbol in our lives. He came over and asked me to dance, they were play Phyllis Nelson’s Move Closer and it felt amazing. Now our song.
This was the beginning of a relationship that is even stronger today than it was in the beginning. I often wonder what he saw in me, he says I am beautiful, which makes me call him, my man with the white stick. He calls me the girl in the red dress, something we share up until this day.
Tuesday this week, will be our anniversary. A day I treasure and am so grateful for. This wonderful man, took on both of my daughters and me with open arms and a huge heart. It has not been easy. My youngest, Marie accepted him from day one, my eldest didn’t. Never really knew why, but over the years he has shown her kindness and generosity that was not deserved and never appreciated.
During the years with David, he encouraged me to write and have published my first children’s book. At a time when I was at my lowest, he supported me through 3 years of college and then 2 years at University to gain my Masters in Counselling and stood in the hall proudly with Marie when I graduated. None of which I could have done without him. A few years ago, I wrote my autobiography, published under a pseudonym and he was my strength during this painful time.
David has been my rock these past 3 years and the other 28 but particularly the last 3. The things ‘family’ have thrown at me, he has tried to help me through. They have caused me damage and made me ill over and over again. Then walked away. He has seen me cry for the first time since we met, over horrid damaging things done to me by my eldest daughter and my youngest sister but he is still here. He says it is their loss that they have shut me out and now I know he is right. With him at my side, they cannot hurt me anymore.
I have all I need here on the farm. Yes it hurts the nasty comments, etc. but seeing the love and pride for me, in this lovely man’s eyes make it all worth-while.
So this is my thankyou to him. Thank you for trying with my children. For taking on our all of our animals. For walking our daughter Marie,so proudly down the aisle on her wedding day. For sharing the good and the bad days with me and for holding me when things become too much. You so often put the broken pieces back together when you could have walked away. Thankyou.
They, my ‘family’, said it wouldn’t last. My ‘mother’ laughed and told me that I would never be happy. Well, she wouldn’t be laughing now. Happy doesn’t cut it.
31 years on and celebrating on Tuesday with my man, the smiles are all mine. xx
carolannwright 