Well here we are at the end of another year. One year older, one year wiser? Not sure about that. But with the end of this year I know I am not the same person I was at the beginning.
2025 began with me recovering from the worst 4 years of my adult life. The worst of the 40 years spent with my beloved David.
We had lived in wonderful Wales for more than half of our life together, very happily. 14 years in Monmouthshire and 12 years in Ceredigion. We never intended to leave England but the MOD had other plans and because we had the ponies, David going to Bristol meant moving across the water to Wales was the obvious answer to this dilemma. I didn’t want it, we didn’t want it but my, how it changed our lives. For the better. We could never have dreamed our life could be as happy or as good.
Living in Monmouth we renovated an old cottage and loved every minute. We began our life in earnest with more ponies, dogs and cats. It was wonderful. A few issues with family but not serious. I went back ypo college and eventually took a degree and gained a Masters in CBT Counselling and began my own practice. A career I loved.
When David retired we decided to go mortgage free and move to West Wales, where we bought an old farmhouse, a big house with a few acres of grazing and beautiful lakes and ponds. Our ‘farm’. I would pinch myself some days not believing I could ever have been so happy.Surrounded by hills, and fields and watching our growing brood of ponies growing and grazing in our paddocks, right outside of our home.
Life was amazing for 12 years, apart from ill health and again, family issues, people intent on trying to ruin our happy place. Even though family again caused us so much pain, trying to ruin me and destroy our happy life. They failed. Our pony, horsey family increased. We found ourselves the boarding home of a pair of Canada geese, Gordon and Gloria who came every year, had their brood and once fully grown, left again only to return the next year. Our ponds were the home for around 30 Mallards who frequented the barn at feeding time and shared our lovely home. Life was blissful.
After the horrors of the pandemic, life changed. David and I seemed to have been shut out of our lovely family life. Never knew how or why but it happened and destroyed something precious in both of us. We had lost all of our ponies, then Ellie Mae my little girl Shih Tzu and both of my lovely cats, Boukie and Luther. Only Cody remained. It was the worst time of my life, we found ourselves on our own, empty fields, and paddocks, empty ponds the geese did not return and the ducks were very few. My family were not around and memories of the wonderful times echoed as though they had never happened. I was in shock. David was heartbroken , we then lost Cody and my heartbroke over and over again. We were lost.I had a breakdown and the only way out of the emptiness we both felt, seemed to be to move back to where life for us both had begun and to ‘family’ we believed would love us. How wrong we were. We know now we were running away but you can’t run from heartache, it goes with you and you can’t shake it off or replace what was lost.
The following few years found us wavering in disbelief and sadness. Life was not good and Hampshire we realised was not our home. After a very short time we began looking to move back to Wales, Home.
Those Christmas’s in Hampshire were sad and lonely and this year we wanted to make sure happy was part of our vocabulary. And it was and is.
After 2 years of trying we eventually sold the Hampshire house and found a beautiful 200 year old cottage back in West Wales where we now live. Happy? Oh yes, blissfully happy again. Not the same happiness but so grateful for all that Wales has given us over the 26 years we have lived here. Wales is home and we don’t intend to ever leave.
So life now will be good, I am determined that whatever time David and I have left, worry will go out of the window. That sadness won’t get a look in. That the only people we both really need to consider is each other.
Yes we have our youngest down the road and that is a happy bonus, was not intentional. They came to us for Christmas and we went to them for Boxing day and it was really lovely. But they have their life and we are getting on with ours.
So after many years of worrying about others, of trying my hardest to bring my family back to together. To look after my siblings family and reunite them, I am done! Now David is my first priority. Marie and Jason are important but they have their own lives. I cannot fulfill promises to my sister Georgina or my Brother Tony, and bring the family together because the ‘family’ don’t want to know.
And do you know what!? That’s just fine.
I have wasted so many years thing of them, now before it’s too late, I need to concentrate on my husband and my home and yes… me.
So good bye not only to 2025 but to the years before that I wasted being ill, being sad, and being sorry for failing to fulfill other people’s dreams.
I was told this year by my nephew Steve, that although I had believed family had loved me, they hadn’t. They pretended, lied, took from me and bad mouthed me all the time professing to love me. Again, do I care? No.
Life is good. I have a wonderful man loving me. A daughter and son in law loving me and my eldest grandson loving me. And also, as a huge bonus I have a great grandson who will know me and love me I hope. Welcome Ryan Paul to our loving family I will look out for you as long as I am here.
So let us all look forward to the New Year with love, gratitude and care for each other and let those who cause us pain, drift into the oblivion of the past.
Happy New Year all and thank you for reading xx
carolannwright 