Todays blog is about a goodbye to a friend. I have written about this loss in a previous blog, on August 5th, entitled Love, Loss and Grief, however I wanted to write this now after watching Mark’s memorial service and feeling very humble but proud. Humble because he was such an inspiration and proud because I called him a friend. For those who didn’t know him, Mark Bradford was one of the first men who wrote to me ,after I began telling the story of my journey, our journey, David’s and mine, with Prostate Cancer. Not a journey we asked to take or that David deserved but travel it we did and in a way, still are. Mark was a kind of ‘heavy rocker’ come ‘country singer’ who lived his life with God on his side. Mark was kind, informative and yes, funny. Like me, he saw the importance of using humour in most situations, where appropriate. Those of you who have read his blog ,or mine, will know that. It was in the early blog entries where I read, learned, that sadly, his prognosis was not good. He had terminal PC and my heart went out to him. Back at that time, we were in the early stages and didn’t know what was going to happen, how serious my husband’s illness was. I was struck immediately on how strong he was, David is pragmatic but Mark took this to another level. His faith seeing him through.
Reading each other’s blogs told us so much about the other. I read of his huge faith, a faith I had shared as a child but lost because of the things that happened to me and those I loved. Every one of his blogs were strong, sincere, warm and contained a little humour, something we both do, as do some other bloggers Dan Cole being one. Life without humour, is not really life in reality. What Mark did, was sometimes use humour to deflect but also used it when referring to his own imminent death. He wasn’t scared, bitter or angry that he had such limited time. His belief in Heaven, took away every ounce of fear. His love of his God, took away any bitterness he may have had. As for anger, Mark believed in God’s will, so how could he be angry if this is what God had planned for him. That’s faith. That’s belief. Oh how I wish we all had this. How I wish I had this.
I never physically met Mark, as I have said before, but very soon after ‘meeting’ in a group on social media, we began private messaging each other, as I am sure many on here have done. He was very generous with his time. I will keep those messages forever. He would make comment on my blog and asked more about my life. Because I write as I feel, as life hits me, with everything that is happening in my life at that time, he asked me about my book. After telling him, he read my story and expressed his sadness and love, being very kind. That was Mark, along with all other virtues, he was kind. He showed compassion when I told him of David and my beloved brother’s fight with cancer, sending us all pendants that he and Sharon had made. As I have said before, Tony’s was placed on his chest when he left us and mine is under my pillow every night. David’s is at the side of his bed. A beautiful material reminder of Marks’ generosity and love. So although I never ‘met’ him, I really felt as though I have. I felt his love, his strength and faith in his pm’s to me. In his blogs to us all. Because of what we had shared, I felt he knew me. I read and re read every thing he said and feel as though his words are hugging me to give me comfort.
Yesterday I watched the video of Mark’s memorial service and was left breathless. If you haven’t seen it yet, please take a look. It was what real beauty is all about. I won’t say too much because we will all interpret it in our own way.
I want to say Thankyou Mark, for introducing us to Michael Cork, your Pastor and Mentor. His service, eulogy and Benediction were beautiful. He too used humour, telling stories of him and his friend. He told us of Mark’s great musical talent and how he was able to make a living out of this media. How he combined his love of music with telling others of his faith, of his God. Using the words of Bohemian Rhapsody, to emphasise how Mark looked at life.
Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide no escape from reality
Open your eyes look up to the skies and see
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy…..
That was Mark. He never asked for or expected sympathy for where he was, what was to happen to him. Never. Because he knew it was God’s will and so it was alright. Michael referred to Mark’s blog many times, how he would tell it as it was, as I do, and I believe that is why he understood my need to tell everything. He told of all the ups and the downs, the reality that is a journey with PC. He never shied away from his coming death. He saw it as part of his life, his next step on his final journey so to speak. He took us on ‘his final farewell tour’ Michael Cork’s words, so fitting. The eulogy delivered by Michael was beautiful, heartfelt and sincere. Qualities that Mark possessed in abundance.
Cancer is cruel. It is heartless and all-inclusive of those who suffer and those who care for them. Mark didn’t lose the fight, cancer with a little ‘c’ didn’t win. He was the winner. He is where he always knew he would be, in the arms of his God. I wish I had his faith. I hope I die like him. Believing in God, believing in Mark’s words. That will be his legacy to me I think and hope.
When Mark appeared in the service, in a video he made for it, showing his generosity to his friends, wanting to say a personal goodbye, it took my breath away for a second. In this, he addressed us all I believe. It was so moving, so full of courage and bravery and still,right up to the end of his life, showed how he was thinking of others in his appeal to men everywhere, to get tested for this evil disease. I liked how he referred to the PSA as ‘just a number’. How he reassured his viewers and how he made the importance, at a time he was dying, that men have this test to save their lives. That was Mark. Always thinking of others.
The service brought much-needed tears, sorry Mark but I do feel sad. Sad for Sharon, the love of your life, who stood by your side at every part of the journey although her heart must have been breaking. The love between this wonderful couple shone throughout the time I knew him and all through the service, which she attended. It was evident in his writings and in everything he said or did. His happiness in his marriage and his faith was huge and infectious. Seeing him talking to us was mind-blowing and so full of love and courage. I felt, like so many I am sure, that he was talking directly to me. The last photos of Mark walking with his beautiful wife, on the beach, the peace, contentment and love was how I will envisage his passing.
I wish I had met him but feel that I did. A huge man, tiny in stature but huge in presence I am sure. Even when I looked at his early photos, his blonde curls and boyish grin, I saw a huge man, a strong man, a proud man.I loved reading his messages, his blogs his posts and will miss them always.
One thing I will take from the memorial service and Michael Cork, is to live, as Mark did, everyday to the full. To make it matter, in anything I do, as Mark did. The last photo of a smiling Mark at the end of the service, on the stage, is how I will remember him.
What a wonderful place Heaven must be and what a lucky place to have such a man as Mark there now. Heavens gain, our loss. Michael said, we will be forever changed, after losing Mark, how right is he. Losing a loved one does this, I know, after losing a beloved brother recently, I know it again today. Mark didn’t want us to grieve but grieve we will, we must. I for one miss him. I can’t be happy that death has taken him but I can be happy that he is at peace, out of pain, free from the dreaded cancer that stole him from us. I also have to believe that although his earthly struggle is over, he is now on a new beautiful forever journey, where who knows, maybe one day we will all join him.
I think of Sharon so much and can’t envisage her pain but I so admire her dignity and grace. She showed such love for her man and I hope, is proud of her part in his life and in his sad death. I feel for his Mum, as Michael said, this is not how it should be, grieving for cyour hild’s death,it’s the wrong was round.
As I said, the memorial service was beautiful, sad, happy, funny at times in remembering, and so moving. Full of love for a man who has made a difference in so many lives, even, as with me, in the lives of those he never actually met. Such a fitting service for Mark. A beautiful memorial for a beautiful man.
Because of you Mr B. I have begun to pray again, to believe after many many lost years. You said God wouldn’t mind my absence , but would rejoice in my presence, coming back ‘into the fold’. Keep singing your songs Mark and I will keep playing them. I hope you have a red suit to wear in Heaven.
Thankyou for reading. x
carolannwright 