This month, September, is Prostate Awareness month. Something until 2 years ago I knew very little about. But boy, do I know about it now! This year it has a whole new meaning for me. I have read, researched and learned, like most of us on here, anything and everything there is to know about this horrid disease that steals so much from those afflicted. I know it is not always a killer as some thought. I know it can be contained and lived with. I also know that it can kill if it spreads and if it is not detected early enough. So why do most people know so little about it? Why is there not publicity, Government awareness campaigns, on Television, in surgeries etc.?As with other cancers? We see a great deal about breast cancer and bowel cancer and how they can be looked for and found in the early stages. Publicity about the testing, screening and checking and so we should. But nothing about a cancer that causes more than 11,287 deaths in the UK each year. More than 45,000 new cases each year. Thankfully, the survival rate is increasing to around 84% surviving for more than 10 years after treatment. So why is it not talked about! Why do we have a problem talking about such a nasty disease? Is it because it affects the most intimate part of a man’s body” Of a man’s functions? It isn’t easy to talk about, I know that. I am embarrassed very easily when it comes to talking about intimate things but we need to do this to prevent men from dying. Our men. Our husbands and partners, brothers and fathers and friends. If we care, we need to make others aware. Aware that it can be detected early on and treated successfully in most cases. We need to shake off this ,’stiff upper lip’ and talk about Prostate Cancer wherever appropriate and necessary. As we do with other illnesses. Talk about PSA testing and get doctors doing it!
We have all heard PC called the ‘good’ cancer. Rubbish!! There are no good cancers. I dedicated a whole blog to this very stupid statement back in April I think it was. Whether it is uncomfortable, unpleasant or difficult to talk about for some people, we need to do this. It is one of the deadliest illnesses to affect our men. I would rather feel all of the above and help men, like my husband, to live.
One of the worst aspects of PC is how it doesn’t only affect the men. Apart from the fear, worry and helplessness it gives their partners; it imposes changes on the man and his partner, that can impact on their lives together in a way that can bring heartache and misery. The illness itself, at whatever stage, can change a couple’s life for-ever. It can bring horrid but mostly temporary changes for the man afflicted, like incontinence, lack of sexual function and other nasty side effects of treatment. For some men these side effects can be difficult to deal with. No-one really will understand how this feels for each individual man. In some cases, these changes, can sadly break a marriage and the man is left on his own to deal with the legacy of PC. That is where the support groups come in and do such a great job. We also need to acknowledge the Psychological impact of this disease, on both the men affected and their ‘carers’, wives and loved ones. I have written on here of my own anger, sadness and fear. I know most other women have experienced these to some degree. We all need to talk these things out. Please.
People who know nothing about PC have difficulty understanding, why the man in question may be reluctant to leave the house, Doesn’t want to socialize. Finds life hard and becomes depressed. There has always been a lack of knowledge and support and this has to change. Too many people are ignorant of the facts surrounding many things, including the effects of PC and still feel it okay to comment when people are struggling. Ignorance should not be an excuse for rudeness, mockery or insults. If you don’t ‘know’ about this disease or any other, ask, research and learn. Or if you don’t feel you want to do any of these, please keep your opinions to yourself.
I wrote a personal blog mid-week, that I didn’t share within the groups. The only reason being, it wasn’t directly about PC. But it was about last weeks blog on here ”The Damage and Danger of Rewriting History’. It was written, because after last Sunday’s blog, ‘The Journey is Almost Over but The Story goes on” in which I made reference to David being ‘pad free’ and how happy we were, I received a nasty comment or comments. I share David’s journey, we share everything, every little hurdle and success with each other and on here, to encourage others and let those who have shown support, know how ‘we’ are doing. We hug, laugh, smile and share, all of it. Taking the nasty and throwing it out with a smile. But last week, continuing the ‘family’ stuff, I received a nasty, hateful comment from my eldest daughter Lisa. Insulting my talking about David’s progress, calling my beloved husband names. The comments were cruel , nasty and uncalled for. Attacking me is now something I expect, but insulting David, my caring, loving, funny brave man, was a step too far. As some know, she has bullied, lied and spread nasty untruths over social media trying to ruin and hurt me. None of this affected me as much as the last comments did, involving David. Especially after what he has been through. He has only ever shown her love, generosity and kindness, even when not deserved. This all began 3 years ago,with my need to be honest but has now taken a different turn, involving people who do not deserve to be involved. The ‘story’ surrounding her daughter’s adoption obviously has run its’ course and so now she has looked for and found, she thinks, untrue information with which to hurt me. It doesn’t because the truth is clear and will out. But the last comments did hurt because of the nature and lack of respect for my husband. So well done her.
I didn’t feel good about writing that blog but felt it was necessary.
But back to PC. This past week, I read a really sad post on one of my groups, from a man post operation, feeling over whelmed by everything that the operation had left him with. My heart went out to him. We have been there. So many group members wrote to him, including me, offering support, kindness and understanding, love and hope. That’s what I like about these groups. Because we have been there, or in some cases, sadly going there, we have mutual love and respect. I hope he is feeling better now.
I especially feel for the younger men in these groups whose lives have been turned on their heads by cancer with a little ‘c’. Try to hang on. Try to find within the changes forced upon you through cancer, other ways to love, other ways to live. Yes things are different, and words may sound pathetic but life and love don’t need to end. It may be different but it can still be good.
One of the things I have always resorted to, in hard times as I have said before, is humour. David and I have found ways to laugh about most of the changes, the little silly things in our lives now and believe me , it helps. Without doing so , this Journey I write about would have been unbearable and I for one would not have coped. So we continue to laugh, smile and joke, it keeps us sane.
Another aspect of PC is the possible genetic or hereditary link. Sometimes it can run in families. This is worrying, especially in families where siblings or children are estranged. You may remember how hard I felt it was, to write to David’s son and tell him about his Dad. I encouraged him to get tested and he was grateful. He did and will continue to do the tests yearly. ‘The Damage of Re Writing History’ could have consequences for us all. Not having knowledge of the medical conditions of your birth parents could impact drastically on your life going forward. I have breast cancer in my family, both older sisters. My brother has lung cancer and my eldest sister died from Liver cancer, secondary to the breast cancer. I have told all of my children and encouraged them to be screened. I have also told them of illnesses that affected their fathers, that is all I can do. If parentage is questioned, by those who have no knowledge of the truth……???
I have always believed in the power of the written word. As long as the facts are correct, the content true and factual and the proof is evident. Hence my blog. Also the reason for my books. As a woman and a partner I will support and encourage everyone I can. But more importantly, I will , in my limited capacity, teach those who are ignorant of the facts about this damaging cruel disease; that comes into our lives like a prize-fighter, and throws its punches on our men and all of us who support them. I will pass on my knowledge and experience to anyone who will listen. Just to promote awareness and hopefully encourage men to have PSA tests as early in their lives as they can. What we need is to talk about it. Spread our stories and take the taboo out of the words, ‘Prostate cancer’ and ‘Erectile Dysfunction’. They are not dirty words, they are all part of an illness that needs more publicity. Who better to do that than the very people who have been there, done it and in some cases, got the T-shirt??
Last year at this time, I wrote another blog, ‘What September means to Me’. It brings the birthday of my eldest daughter, Lisa. 49 years ago and it was, at that time, the happiest day of my entire life. It will also bring the birthday of my eldest grandson Harrison. I have no contact with him but he knows in his heart, despite the stories he has ben told, that we here ‘on the farm’, love him and will always be here for him.
So here I am again, a long blog, sorry. Another September but this one is special. Not only is David cancer free but 30 years ago, on the 8th of September, we were married. We will celebrate our Pearl Anniversary, as we did our wedding, quietly and with those who love us. These years have been full of fun, love, happiness and laughter. Yes some recently have been spoiled, but no more. I intend to spend the rest of my life making my husband happy, here ‘on the farm’ and then in pastures new.
September for a lot of people in my groups, won’t be happy or a time to look forward and this saddens me. I will continue to blog. Continue to offer support and love in any way I can on my groups.
David and I, like this time of the year, are in the Autumn of our lives. We look forward to the future, I will be returning to my Professional role very soon and to my writing that has been neglected of late. On the low days, and there will be some I am sure, I will look at the contents of my children’s memory boxes and remember the happy times we shared. No one and nothing can steal my memories. We have almost completely renovated our home and will begin to enjoy it once again. I look forward to misty mornings and orange sunsets. The ducks returning to our lake and the year ending much better than it began. As the picture above says, there’s a lot of story yet to tell’.
Life is about making memories. Good ones I hope. They will always outshine the bad.
Thankyou for reading x
carolannwright 